You know? That can be a pretty crappy thing to say to someone. It's true! Now, don't get me wrong, I know that sometimes friends, family, clients, and even I need some reality checks from time to time. There is a difference between someone being negative and a victim, and someone who is experiencing their own pain.
When we try to get someone to "look on the bright side" before he or she has a chance to experience the reality of their pain, we are only minimizing his or her feelings. It's as if we are saying: "Your pain makes me feel uncomfortable, so get happy fast so I don't have to feel weird about this anymore."
If people experience a death, it is ok for them to be sad about it. If people experience heartbreak, it is ok for them to reflect on the ups and downs of the relationship. If people are diagnosed with a disease, it is ok for them to be scared. Quit trying to "fix" the problem for them. You can't. Of course you don't want to see a person you care about in pain, but you attempts to make them feel better only diminish their experience.
In my first blog I wrote about "No Feeling Is Final". People who experience pain don't really have the option of skipping the hard part. Through pain we can grow, and learn, and challenge, and become stronger. Instead of futile attempts to take away pain, just support the person. Tell them "I am sorry you are sad/scared/hurt/angry. I am here for you. It makes me sad to see you this way, but I understand that you are hurting right now."
Being there is usually the best you can do anyway. So try your best not to minimize others' experiences.
Maybe you could handle it better. I don't know. It does not really matter. What matters is to know: Pain is okay. Give time time.
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