"You can be anything, but you don't have to be everything."

Today's title can speak to many different aspects of one's life.  At first glance, the quote, "you can be anything, but you don't have to be everything" may speak to perfectionists.  People who try to do everything...people who put too much on their proverbial plates (a problem with which I am all-too familiar).  But today, I invite you to look at this quote in terms of your relationships with other people.

Are you trying to be everything for everyone?  Do you frequently worry that others will be upset with you if you do not meet their expectations (either real or perceived)?  Do you feel that you are always going the "extra mile" for others, but then feel resentful when others do not reciprocate? Do you struggle to set boundaries or ask for you what you need?

All of us have some struggle with these types of feelings, after all, we are human, and most of us do not like the feelings associated with disappointing others. But, if you find yourself struggling more often than not, you may be struggling with some traits of codependency.  Codependency can be a confusing concept, but in essence the most you need to know is this:   Codependency is when your feelings, self-esteem and self-worth are almost exclusively tied to others.  Simply stated, it is hard to be you authentic self because you are working so hard to please (or enable) others or be the person you think they want you to be.

So what is wrong with pleasing others?  Nothing really, UNTILL you feel tired, sad, overwhelmed, under-supported, resentful, and isolated from happiness. You can't be everything to everyone.  You simply can't, so why are you trying?  When you spend all of your time trying to be what others think you should be, you are just going to end up disappointing other people, because that is a tough act to keep up.  In addition, your likely going to end up losing yourself in your attempt to be someone you are not.

So how do you break this cycle?  It is not simple. BUT, for starters, focus on the people who love you for you.  Then, set boundaries with those who are asking too much of you.  This can be tough, because you are likely going to discover who are truly friends in your life.  This can be painful, but not as painful it can be to your soul when you consistently reject your authentic self in a futile attempt to meet others' expectations of a person they think they know.